The Posturing Trap: Why The Urge To Impress Backfires

Read time: 3 minutes

This post has one purpose — to save you from feeling (and looking) stupid.

Whether you realize it or not, we all play the “status” game.

That means trying to be the:

• Smartest

• “The” best

• Most successful

The big-shot CEO demonstrates the power “status” by only driving a Maserati.

But status is also played by trying to:

• Fit in

• Downplay aspects (of yourself)

• Not overshadow others

The wealthy but practical parent (who can afford the Maserati) chooses to drive the Toyota 4Runner — because they want to fit in with the neighborhood “status.”

Status is the feeling you want to demonstrate to your peers, family, friends, acquaintances, or strangers.

I know I’m not telling you something your soul doesn’t already know, but sometimes it’s worth reminding yourself.

One way you earn (or lose) status is through communication.

• Formal presentations (or speeches)

• Important emails (or memos)

• Written articles (or reports)

But the most overlooked form? Answering a question amidst daily dialogue.

When someone asks you a question, here’s what happens…

In a matter of seconds, your brain filters through four response types:

• An eloquent, seemingly complex monologue to demonstrate your intellect

• A babble of jargon and acronyms strung together to mask the insecurity of not fully knowing the answer

• A well-informed, clear response that sounds simple and makes the person you’re talking to “get it”

• An ‘I don’t know” and then directing them to someone who does

Two of these responses earn you status.

The other two are forms of posturing.

Posturing is communicating with the intent to impress instead of inform.

Said another way — it’s prioritizing sounding smart instead of making the listener feel smart.

At the moment, it feels great. But it’s a short-term dopamine spike that sacrifices the long-term value. And I realized it’s exhausting, inauthentic, and unrewarding.

This is important because posturing reduces status (despite your ego’s attempt to tell you otherwise).

If you think about it, the formula for asking a question is curiosity plus courage, vulnerability, or humility.

No matter how small the question, asking is an acknowledgment of uncertainty.

So the asker is putting them out on a limb — and if your response is to focus on yourself, you're losing the status game.

Status is gained when you give someone else status.

Let me show you:

• An insightful book (that makes the reader think clearer) gets recommended to a friend; a complex one does not

• A helpful post (that makes the viewer solve the problem) gets shared with a friend; a confusing one does not

• A well-crafted pitch (that makes the investor see the potential) gets funded; a disorganized one does not

• A clear message (that makes the listener understand) gets rewarded with trust; a cluttered one does not

Answering a question has the same effect.

Position the asker front and center, inform them, and let them walk away feeling smarter.

If your “ultimate goal” is to provide value, then posturing is superficial, and simplicity (and honesty) is truth.

While it feels good to sound smart, you risk looking stupid.

If you want to earn status, deliver it.

Respond to questions with simplicity and honesty.

Ditch the posturing.

It’s as simple as that.

I promise you this is a lesson learned the hard way.

Thanks for reading,

Peter

Missed last week’s post?

Last week, I wrote:

8 Thoughts On Decision-Making (For Driven Humans)

It’s a series of lessons, considerations, and words on the importance and power of your greatest tool: judgment.

It’s worth the few minutes — I promise.

Read it here.

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