How I Manufacture Confidence

_{[Read time: 6 minutes]}

I’m sharing a story about a lesson I learned when I was 13 about the positive impact of confidence. That lesson became the seed to build a framework for manufacturing confidence…any time I needed it.

Let’s time-travel.

I was 13.

It was February in Connecticut. My family just moved from central New York.

Our new house didn’t have a basketball hoop yet (and it was winter), so I had to go to the local gym to play basketball.

That day, my dad took me to shoot around a bit.

If you’ve ever gone to a gym to play ball, you know that someone will eventually ask you to a pickup game…like clockwork, this kid approached me to play one-on-one.

He had to be 2-3 years older, taller, and stronger.

Let’s call him Doug. 

But Doug wasn’t my real opponent.

If you knew me back then, I was a total headcase.

My attitude drove the quality of my actions.

If I knew I wouldn’t win, I’d switch from hyper-competitive mode to a ‘not really trying’ attitude.

I did this for my ego — so I could say, “I didn’t try” as an excuse for losing.

Looking back, it was pathetic.

Because I was super athletic as a kid but also mentally weak.

To be clear, I’m not the brute force type. I’m much more of a speed-based, finesse-type player. Less LeBron. More Steph Curry. I digress. Back to the story. 

My typical strategy was this:

• Against stronger opponents → I’d shoot more on offense because I couldn't get around them. But not that day. I drove to the hoop with force.

• Against taller opponents → I’d go for steals on defense because I couldn’t physically stop them. But not that day. I stood my ground and played tough defense.

• Against better opponents → I’d be ready to give in because I knew I’d eventually lose. But not that day. I fueled my confidence.

That day was just different.

I didn’t break down mentally.

Maybe it was something in the Connecticut water.

But I was oozing confidence.

(Traditional storytelling methods would suggest I add more conflict here…but I’m not going to….)

Because I started strong and ended even stronger.

I absolutely smoked Doug in that one-on-one game.

OK, now I’m embellishing, but yes, I won.

But I told you, Doug was not my real opponent.

My dad told me, “I’ve never seen you play with such confidence — you played like you owned the court, and nothing could stop you.”

(If you knew my dad…he doesn’t hand out compliments easily)

I remember it to this day because, most times, our sports conversations were about how I let my attitude get the best of me.

If I brought up that one-on-one game (which took place 25+ years ago), he’d remember, too.

That day was tangible evidence: confidence is a powerful driver of the quality of my actions.

And anyone who says otherwise has never felt the drug of confidence.

That one-on-one game planted a seed.

How I manufacture confidence:

I respect those who embrace fear and nervousness to ‘do it scared.’

Every time I try it, I never get that “I gave it my all” feeling. Something was always missing.

I had courage, not confidence.

Courage makes you more resilient for the future. Confidence makes you unbeatable right now.

Resilience over time is excellent, but sometimes, I need to operate at my best right now.

In 2019, I came across this 2-minute video from Simon Sinek talking about how Olympic athletes convert nervousness into excitement.

And that excitement fuels elite action.

(watch it; you’ll just ‘get it,’ I promise)

If that basketball game at 13 years old was the seed — this video was the fertilizer.

Because I realized I could apply this same lesson to manufacturing confidence.

I turned the basketball memory and a 2-minute video into my ‘clarity-certainty-confidence’ framework.

At first glance, you might see little difference between these three words.

But the order of these is critical. They build on top of one another like bricks.

1 — Clarity is knowing what to do and why I’m doing it.

Everything starts with clarity.

Always.

Most people underestimate its importance and half-ass clarity most of the time.

That whole ‘do it scared’ is operating unclearly.

Because when I’m unclear, I’m scattered. I have no priority and become overwhelmed and frustrated.

Clarity is all about direction. All I need are two points: here and there.

• “Here” is an honest reflection on my current state

• “There” is a realistic expectation of where I want to be or what I aspire to be

Keywords in the above are honest and realistic.

Clarity takes some practice. Some people write to create clarity. I’m a think-out-loud type, so I process it verbally.

But when I can nail these two points, magic happens.

My brain creates hundreds of imaginary lines between the two points, and I go into search mode, trying to figure out which line to choose.

This is the process of finding certainty.

2 — Certainty is the process of finding the actions I must take and can actually carry out

Here’s how my brain works.

The logical side will sift through all those paths to find the options where I can tell myself → “I think I can.”

The intuitive side will do the same, but this time, look for the options to say → “I feel I can.”

If I’m honest and realistic, one path will illuminate. It’s the path where my logic and intuition align. To the point where I can scream, “I know I can.”

I don’t actually scream (but per that video, maybe I should?!)

Because knowing is the highest degree of certainty.

All that is left are the key actions to take.

That’s certainty in your actions

(this certainty lens is also adapted from Simon in his book Start With Why)

3 — Clarity and certainty (together) fill my veins with confidence

We know what confidence feels like.

But objectively, it’s hard to describe.

To me, it’s just a series of steps — built on top of clarity and certainty.

When I know what to do and how to do it — I don’t have to worry about wasting energy tackling emotion.

This may seem like hocus pocus, but confidence is a powerful drug.

And I always perform at such a high level with it.

I’m glad my dad was there to watch me play basketball that day. Not just to witness me playing well (yeah, that was cool), but more importantly, to be the voice to point out why I played so well.

It’s easy to misjudge our actions. Often, you need someone else to help you see what you can’t. That objective perspective can shine a light on the drivers of your outcomes (success or failure).

Plus, I definitely would not have remembered that game so vividly.

This framework is now an operating system: clarity – certainty – confidence.

I hope this enables you to manufacture confidence (when you need it most).

Thank you for reading.

See you next week.

— Peter