How To Get People To Like You Instantly In Virtual Meetings (Without Coming Across As Phony)

Read time: 5 minutes

Business is a people game — your skills are only as valuable if people like working with you.

Most of my first interactions with people now are online. This means every day, I place a big bet on the virtual meeting experience.

The stakes? My likeability

You might chuckle at the stakes, but it’s true. We put a lot of faith in the hardware and software working correctly. But more so, demonstrating “digital” charisma through a 2-dimensional screen and headphones.

Why does this matter? Because I’ve learned how you make someone feel is the primary driver of them liking you — and it’s not as easy to do as it might be in person.

This means doing the opposite of 99% of what people do.

Here are the 5 ways to get people to like you instantly in virtual meetings (without coming across as phony):

#1 — Don’t be an energy vampire because people associate you with how you make them feel.

Have you ever had a conversation that left you feeling drained?

It ruins the next few hours.

12 years ago, I read The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon. You can guess what it’s about without even reading it. The energy you give off is magnetic, and you control whether you attract or repel people.

It has stuck with me ever since.

Does this mean you must be hyper-energy, super-positive, bubbly? No. I’d argue it has a negative effect. But good energy feels better than good - and it’s not that hard to do.

After reading the book, I slightly changed the first 30 seconds of any interaction.

I installed a pattern interrupt.

Nearly all conversations start with some variation of “How are you?” 

And nearly all responses are on autopilot or dull.

All I did was change the words mixed with an engaging tone of my voice. For example, I throw in an “exceptional,” “remarkable,” or even “tremendous." People can’t help but respond with good vibes.

And it’s not this fake interaction either; you’ll actually feel their good vibes create a virtuous cycle.

#2 — Be a reflective listener because people want to feel (and be) heard.

Repeat back what people say to you in your own words.

It's not just about showing you're listening; it's about proving it. I can’t tell you how many people tell me, “I’m such a good listener.” Yes, those words feel good, but it ensures I understand what they are saying.

Once this repeating process becomes a habit, there is an even better impact -- you’ll never forget anyone’s name (if you just meet them). You’ll even repeat their name back to them aloud.

And people love the sound of their name.

This concept of reflective listening originates from Carl Rogers, a prominent figure of humanistic psychology.

Here’s how I might respond if a client shares a problem they're facing:

"I want to make sure I heard you, so let me rephrase in my own words…You're dealing with [insert the issue], and it's impacting [mention any emotions or challenges they expressed]. And this matters because [insert the why]." 

This shows you're actively listening and helps them feel acknowledged and heard.

People want to feel heard — and when they feel heard, they like you.

#3 — Sprinkle in some charisma because they’ll hang on to every word.

You might think, "But I'm an introvert; charisma isn't my thing."

Charisma is not about being the life of the party; it's about demonstrating warmth and competence.

• Warmth is showing you're friendly, collaborative, and empathetic

• Competence is showing you know your stuff (without being a know-it-all)

Last year, I studied the secret language of charismatic communication from Vanessa Van Edwards.

The most crucial takeaway → it’s a learned skill, not an innate ability.

Let’s get specific:

• Use hand gestures – Imagine how you feel when someone (physically) standing in front of you has their hands behind their back. You don’t know what to focus on. So, talk with your hands in virtual meetings -- start by waving (to show friendliness) and use gestures at specific points (to highlight keywords). Your brain gives 12.5x more weight to hand gestures than words.

• Ditch the blurred or virtual backgrounds – These fake backgrounds can often confuse and distract, pulling attention away from the conversation. Instead, structure your background to signal warmth and competence (e.g., photos and personal = warmth, and books and degrees = competence).

• Mirror their warmth or competence – You can connect with them even deeper. To figure this out, look at past emails or social media accounts. Do they use emojis (warmth)? Do they speak with authority (competence)? It won’t take very long for you to uncover. Then, tailor your approach.

#4 — Be interested, not interesting, because you make them feel important.

There is no greater human desire to feel important (or valued).

Dale Carnegie said, "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

When we try to appear interesting, you redirect the conversation towards your interest.

Now, you might argue that you’re not interested in the topic – but there is a subtle difference between being interested in the subject of conversation and being interested in the person delivering the words.

When you focus on the person, you’ll care less about the topic.

Remember that a conversation (at its core) is the process of taking turns talking. There are support turns and shifting turns.

• Support turns continues to focus on them (and keeps them talking)

• Shifting turns redirects attention to your interest (and stops them from talking)

A great conversationalist will use 75% supporting turns and 25% shifting, all focusing on being interested in them.

The best tool for the job? Questions.

#5 — Foster a sense of progress because progress makes people feel happy.

Which feels better?

• a 4-hour meeting that generates 20 hours of progress

• a 30-minute meeting that generates 30 minutes of progress

My hunch is that when people complain about meetings being too long, the problem is not the meeting length; it’s the lackluster return on their time.

After all, Tony Robbins stresses that “progress = happiness.”

So, I go out of my way to make progress felt.

How?

The usual suspects, of course, actively contribute to problem-solving, listen attentively, and streamline discussions. But the feeling comes from the “mini-milestone-moments.”

At transition points (or at the 20- or 30-minute mark), I’ll pause to reiterate any critical decisions made or essential takeaways from the discussion. They are like bookmarks of progress—a verbal monologue of what we’ve achieved thus far.

Then, at the end, wrap it up again.

Why?

First impressions last, but reiterated milestones create lasting impressions.

And then, if you really want to boost their fondness of you – take notes and email them (because no one ever turns down good notes).

💡Thank you for reading.

Peter

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